The What If Series
by STupIdWiNsAGaIn
Summary: IzaShio oneshots to get over my writer's block on the story To Weave a Poem.
1. Puppy?

**OK, so I guess you could say this is super fluffy... in some places. I tried to make it a little humorous too, but I don't know how that went over (that's up to you. ^^). I hope it's good. xD Anyway, I put this in Izaya's POV because he's so epically awesome that it makes me want to scream (EEEEEEEEK!) and I wanted to see if I would succeed at his point of view because I'm planning a whole section from his POV later on. If I don't succeed at these oneshots, though, I don't think I'll be doing that section in his POV, and I'll just stick with Shiori. If you like it, though, let me know, and don't worry, more is coming. This one was rather fluffy though, and seeing as I'm not a huge fan of fluff that bothers me, but not too much, because it's between Izaya and Shiori. ^^  
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**Enjoy~!**

**(PS: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING OF DURARARA)**

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**IZA-SHIO ONESHOTS!**

**THE "WHAT IF" SERIES...**

**1. PUPPY...(?)**

I guess you could say that I accepted my feelings for that girl a long time ago. What I like about her, though, I'm not sure yet. She's a little annoying and hard to manage, and she does cute things without even knowing it, which is one of my pet peeves - people doing things without knowing what it is that they're doing. She reminds me of a high-maintenance doll that always has to be taken care of - hair brushed, teeth cleaned, face washed, clothed, protected from the people who are out for her life, kept secretly at my apartment for as long as this continues, and death to all society... well, that last one is my long-term goal, but I'm sure that she can sympathize. After all, she's been through a lot, mostly because of this society. So why wouldn't she sympathize? Maybe she would have some hesitation because of that little bratty friend of hers, who belongs in Ikebukuro's social order. Once the leader of the Yellow Scarves (a fact that she is completely oblivious to... I think), he is now a goody-two-shoes who goes to school and has childhood friends joining him from childhood towns, and is living a happy, lenient life.

Well, I could change that, if I really wanted to, but Shio-chan might get mad if I did... but I'm really starting to get annoyed with him.

I've been twirling a pencil between my fingers this whole time, a habit I have when I'm thinking, and sometimes waving it around in front of my face, staring at the eraser as it goes back and forth, back and forth, and now I take it between both my index fingers and thumbs, and press upward with my thumbs until it snaps in two, at which point I throw it in the garbage with all the other pencils I've snapped at the mention of his name.

Looking at them, I feel an odd sort of anxiety come over me, and I lean back in my chair as I spin around and look at the window behind me. I've been letting my emotions get the better of me lately, and that's not a good thing. At this rate, I'm going to end up letting Shiori's name slip, and when I do Namie will know exactly where she's been for the last month or so. The last thing I want to do is get Shio-chan bound and gagged by this heartless woman... but sometimes I think it might be necessary.

"Izaya?"

I hear my name from behind, and when I turn I see Namie standing over me with a pile of books in her arms, and I feel a little guilty when I let my eyes wander for only a moment as I find myself comparing her body to Shio-chan's. I'll admit that she is more mature than Shiori, both physically and mentally, but don't get me wrong - Shio-chan has her own attributes that Namie could never live up to, no matter how hard she tried. Of course, she'll probably never try, because she hates Shio-chan with a passion, mostly because she can't find her, and no matter how many people she sends out, they never bring her back. It's kind of fun to see her struggle so hard to find what's right under her nose. It's also kind of pathetic.

Namie is looking at the many snapped pencils in the garbage beside me, and somehow, through her unfathomable expressionless face, she raises an eyebrow.

"What's with this?" she demands, and I frown playfully at her, despite my current annoyance. She's interrupting my thoughts.

"What, I'm not allowed to have some fun?" I ask her as I lean back in my chair and put my feet up on the surface of my desk, mainly to annoy her. This is one of her many pet peeves. Again, she raises that same eyebrow. It's like a universal question mark for her. "It's not like you'll entertain me. You're so bland, the only man you were able to fall for was your bratty little brother - who isn't all that good-looking, by the way." I can't help but smile when that frown - though subtley - becomes a scowl and she just glares at me with green eyes. I smirk at her triumphantly, and then look back at my computer screen when I hear a little popping noise, notifying me that someone has replied to my previous comment in the Dollars' chat room.

"What fun is there in snapping pencils in half?" Namie demands as I lift my feet to remove them from the top of the desk.

"Not much," I answer distractedly as I lean forward, toward the computer screen. It looks like Setton was the one who replied to my most recent comment. Ironically enough, we've been talking about Shio-chan, and Tanaka Tarou apparently knows there's something strange going on with her, and thinks that maybe it has something to do with me. He's smart, I'll give him that much. Then again, it doesn't take much to unravel a thing like that. I was picking her up after school for a while, to make sure she didn't go to Kida's house again. That's the worst thing about Shio-chan: she thinks she knows me so well, but then she does something as stupid as that, and pretends not to know she did anything wrong. She can be a true dunce sometimes.

"Oi, Izaya!" Namie snaps at me, but I'm already absorbed in this conversation online, which I am very glad Namie can't see right now. She's not really interested in my online chat. That's a good thing. It seems, however, that she has completely given up on me at this point. I guess it's hard to get through to me while I'm in the Dollars' chat room. Oh well. These people are more fun to talk to than she is anyway. She sighs as she walks away from me, apparently waving my distraction off as temporary ADD. "Whatever," she grumbles, "I'm sick of you."

Then, to my relief, she finally walks away.

A few hours later I hear her leave, and I immediately rush out the door, knowing that she'll be gone for a few hours. She leaves a lot during the day, usually to check up on her socially-inept-in-love-with-a-Dullahan's-head boyfriend/brother, Seiji-kun. I know that now is my chance to go see Shio-chan, and maybe tease her a bit before Namie comes back and finds out I'm gone, thus becomes suspicious.

To be completely honest, I guess I could say that Namie is even more interesting than Shio-chan, but that would be rude of me, wouldn't it? I would rather say that, while I love Shio-chan with all my chaotic, and slightly twisted heart, I still don't understand why. Well, actually, that's an exaggeration. I do know why... at least, I think I know why. I have a few theories about why I am so intrigued by her, but those are still unclear.

Right now, I have to find out what's going to happen when I get home, because I know from experience that whenever I have this feeling of being happy to see Shio-chan, something goes wrong. That's not to say that I'm not usually excited to see her - I'm always happy to see Shiori - but whenever I'm _this_ excited to see her, something always manages to ruin my mood. Last time, it was that I went home and found that she wasn't there at all, and the time before that... well, actually, she wasn't living with me the time before that, but that time it turned out she was drunk. I was irritated by this fact at first, but then quickly found it amusing. Somehow, she seems to have that effect on me more often than not.

Is that a bad thing? Maybe. It might mean that I'm losing my grip on reality somewhat, and only concentrating on her... but considering the fact that I recently discovered-slash-accepted that I am in fact in love with her, that might not be so bad. I've always hated the phrase 'in love' because it always sounded so light and feathery to me, and the only time I ever really hear it is when someone is talking about some lovey-dovey couple who only ever hang onto each other... but then I think of Namie, and her creepy, but pitiful love for her brother. It's obviously unrequited, but she still loves him anyway, and she's always treating him like there's something special about him. I guess that might be how I am with Shio-chan, then... always treating her like she's different from all the rest, even though she's just another human being... just like everyone else, and just because she's important to me, it doesn't mean that she's special to anyone else...

That could be why I've been referring to her as 'my' Shio-chan lately... hm. Interesting, isn't it? Human emotions are definitely the most interesting things that I know of.

"Tadaima!" I call out jokingly as I open the door to my apartment. I set my shoes to the side beside Shiori's, as always, and then go into the apartment, searching the rooms for her. She's not in the kitchen... or the living room... or on the balcony... she must be in my room. Don't tell me she went to bed already. It's only nine o'clock! That's just pathetic. "Shio-chan?" I call out again as I head toward my room. I'm almost at the door when it opens and she comes out, looking wide awake as she closes the door behind her.

Weird, I think to myself. She never closes the door... unless she has something to hide.

"O-Oh, Izaya," she says a little airily as she brushes her long black hair behind her ear. A nervous habit. Her eyes aren't looking in my direction - actually, they're completely avoiding me, looking everywhere but me. She's stammering, and I see that she's even shaking a little. "I thought you would be... at your, um, office... thing."

With that statement, my mind immediately goes to the worst possible conclusion, as I am reminded of cheesy American soap operas, in which a married woman is caught by her husband while cheating on him with a man she's been seeing for the past week or so. When this comes to mind, I feel my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach, and I glare at Shiori with cold eyes, which makes her shrink back and step away from the door, looking nervous. I really, really want to corner her right now, because my mood has suddenly shifted from light and fluffy to dark and deadly. What will I do if I find a man in this bedroom? Well, probably kill him right in front of Shiori, so that she sees what happens when someone tries to take her away from me. Then, I will comfort her, because there's no way I'll be able to stay mad at such an adorable face, traumatized or not.

I push past her and open the door, and when I see what's sitting on the bed, I realize that my worst fear doesn't even measure up to her ridiculous imagination. Does she expect me to keep this thing? I turn to Shio-chan slowly, trying to control my temper, and point at the disgusting creature on the bed.

"Please," I say to her, "Tell me this is a figment of my imagination."

She looks a little disappointed, and tilts her head to the side - a habit she has without even knowing she has it - and pouts slightly. "Why?" she asks, "He's cute. I found him in the street, and I couldn't resist. Besides," she adds as she goes past me to hug the little bugger tightly in her arms, resulting in a wave of jealousy springing up in my chest, and I'm suddenly furious at her and the beast as it pants and whines so happily in her arms. I swear at it in my mind, almost hoping that it will pick up on it somehow. "You took me in, didn't you? What's one more stray?" I stare at her in disbelief at this, and my face darkens a little further.

Oh, that's right; she still doesn't know I'm in love with her. How sad. Still, I'm not letting this go. She has no idea how much I hate these things.

"Shio-chan," I say as I tilt my head to the side while grinning dangerously. "I'm going to say this again - but only once. _Please_ tell me that thing is a figment of my imagination."

She looks nervously at me, and then back at the beast on the bed, and then back up at me with large grey eyes that make me want to pop them to see if they're really balloons, like their size suggests. However, I refrain, and I look away from her, toward the wall. She always does this to me.

Then to my surprise she says, though she sounds defeated, "It's a figment of your imagination."

"Oh, good," I say enthusiastically, taking advantage of her momentary lapse in forethought. I pick the creature up and hold it above me in both my hands, so that I can see it clearly. Its hind legs hang down at eye level, and its tail wags happily behind it as its eyes look down on me with what appears to be excitement. I see that it's male, which I find kind of awkward, so I lower it so that its face is in front of me, but then raise it again because its breath stinks. I realize once again how much I hate it: almost as much as Shizu-chan. Those ears, those eyes, that tongue sticking so stupidly out of its mouth... I _really _hate it. Good thing she said it's a figment of my imagination. "Then I guess you won't care what I do with it. It's a figment of my imagination, so it might just come back after I throw it over the balcony."

I turn around and am about to carry it over to the balcony when I hear a horrified cry come from Shio-chan's mouth. I swear under my breath and stop as I hear her get up from the bed and she runs up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist, so that her head it resting against my back. I feel a tight feeling come into my chest, as if my heart is clenching behind my ribs.

"Izaya, are you crazy?" Her arms tighten around my waist, which makes my heart beat a little faster, but I force myself to calm down. I'm not really one to show what I feel in any moment, but like I mentioned before, with her I'm different. I show my emotions more than I usually do, and it usually ends up being my weakness against her. At least, it feels like I've been becoming more vulnerable lately. I really hate that. I feel sick just thinking about it.

"I just found him today! You can't kill him! I don't care how much you hate dogs!"

See what I mean? Her insight is amazing sometimes; I didn't even mention that I hate dogs, and here she is telling _me_ I hate them.

I turn to face her, trying hard to keep my composure, and a smirk on my face as I look at the desperate gleam in her eyes. She's begging me - _pleading_ with me - not to hurt this thing. I really wish she was someone else right now, so I could just cut her across the cheek and make her watch it die. That's probably what I would do to anyone else, but unfortunately, to me she is _not_ anyone else. She is Shiori - _my_ Shiori. So, though reluctantly, I lower the thing and put it into her waiting arms, at which point she glares at me and turns slightly to the side, so I can't reach it again before heading back to my room and putting it down on my bed. As much as it disgusts me, though, I can't do anything about it. I can't believe her.

"Shio-chan," I address her on her way out, and I receive a defensive glare from the girl.

"What?"

"Why did you get that thing?"

"The puppy?" she corrects me, and I shudder inwardly at the word. I swear I hear it whine on the other side of the door.

"Yes," I answer her, "The puppy. Why did you get it?"

"Him," she corrects me again, and again I shudder inwardly. How can she refer to something so personally? That's just disgusting. "Well..." She blushes slightly in embarrassment and turns away from me, suddenly looking like getting the puppy wasn't such a good idea, mostly because she has to reveal this one thing to me... so, of course, I take advantage of this. "It's kind of..."

I decide to give her a little incentive. "If you don't tell me, it goes back on the streets."

"What?" she demands in anger, "Izaya, that's cruel! All for just a little response!" I take a step closer to the door, but she steps in front of me, blocking my way. "Fine! I'll tell you!" she snaps at me, and I smirk at her anger. It always seems to put me in a good mood somehow. "I picked it up because..." She hesitates again, looking around the apartment like it holds some kind of grudge against her, and I notice with a pang of slight pity when I notice the fear and sadness the come into her eyes. "It's really quiet here, when you're not around. I just..." She still avoids my eyes as she looks down at the floor, and brings her hand up to hold the elbow of her other arm, which she holds close to her body. When she speaks next, it seems that it's hard for her to get it out, like she's having difficulty talking. "I don't like... to be alone."

I have to admit that usually I'm not this kind, but at this moment all I feel for her is pity and an almost overwhelming urge to comfort her, and tell her that I can be here forever. Unfortunately, though, I don't think I can be here forever, for a few reasons, one being that it's not in my nature to stay in one place for a long time, no matter who it's for. I also find it unfortunate that it has to be a stray _puppy_ to replace me. Am I so dispensable? That's not important right now,

"You really are pathetic," I tell her softly as I take a step closer to her and wrap my arms around her tightly. She seems a little surprised by this, but she allows it and even cooperates by wrapping her arms around my waist and holding me just as tightly, her head against my chest. I love it when she does this. It's comfortable, and it seems to make her feel better, which is good. Of course, I'm still annoyed with her because of the puppy, but I can get over that eventually. My hand comes up and presses her head against me, and my arm tightens around her waist. Her fingers clench around the material of my shirt in response, and I smile slightly as she pulls herself closer to me. It's almost as if me stroking her hair like this brings out her grief from everything that has happened to her in the past few years, let alone the last month, and she thinks I'm here to comfort her when really it's me I'm comforting by doing this. By making her feel more comfortable, I feel more comfortable when I'm around her, and I don't feel like running away because I'm so useless for anything except making her blush.

I can hear her breathing becoming laboured, and it's trembling slightly under her stress. It's clear that she's holding back tears which she doesn't want me to see for reasons of pride and embarrassment. What am I doing? It's risky for me to be here in the first place, but it's worth it. I know that. She's worth it.

**XXX**

I stayed with her last night, which is definitely really risky, but she wanted me to. She was begging me to stay, so what else was I going to do? It's not like we did anything, but I took her to my bed, where she slept easily in my arms, and I mostly just watched her and held her. I guess I could be called protective in that case, right? Maybe... Yeah, I guess. I would also call myself possessive when it comes to her. She's really the only thing I have that I really want to treasure... which is another reason she shouldn't find out about this feeling that I have for her. If she ever finds out, I'm not sure I'd be able to keep her as mine. She may wander, just to test me, and I'd have to kill any other man that I find her with out of jealousy and pride, with her as my possession - my favorite toy.

I'm at the office now, having left early in the morning before Shiori woke up, and when I returned I found that Namie still wasn't back. She is now, but it's been a few hours since then. I'm at my desk doing work that a sadistic informant usually does, like playing with bobble head toys and watching their heads go up and down, up and down, as they try to escape this torment. I, however, am far from merciful, so I push their heads down one more time and lift my finger, watching them as they continue to bob, silently screaming in pain. Yes. This is what I do in my spare time.

"Izaya," Namie complains from her second floor library, "Why don't you do something useful, like call people or earn money, or something like that?"

"I am earning money," I retort to her from my desk as I lean back in my seat and watch the bobble heads continue to bob. "I'm waiting for a mission. What are you doing?"

"What you should be doing," she answers coldly, and then turns away to continue her job, and I laugh darkly at her before I turn back to my toys, but I find that she annoys me slightly when she says this. Lately, it's been pretty easy for her to annoy me, probably because I'm growing so close to Shio-chan. After stewing for a few moments in my own irritation, I decide to go back to see her at home. She must be doing something interesting right about now, right? Does she have school today? No, it's Saturday.

I stand up and grab my coat from the back of my chair and head for the door.

"Oi, Namie?" I call to her, and the woman turns to look at me with her usual cold green eyes. "I'm going out for a walk. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Whatever," she says as she continues with her work.

I think it's her cold attitude that annoys me so much lately. I find it interesting, but I'll stop there. Interesting is all that woman is, with no sex appeal at all, except for her body. She really is bland - very bland.

I step into the apartment about half an hour later after walking all the way from my office, and I'm mildly disappointed to see that Shiori's shoes aren't there. That idiot girl, thinking she can go out alone again. She's being a complete idiot! I'm about to turn around and go back outside to look for her when I hear something from the kitchen. Something is scratching my floors, running on four legs toward me, and I feel sick when I see a little brown and white puppy galumphing toward me, tongue hanging out, tail high in the air, ears perked up. It's carrying a ball in its mouth, and slobbering all over it.

Ugh.

It barks loudly at me, letting the ball fall onto the carpet - _my _carpet - in front of me. It barks again, this time killing my ear drums, and I just stare at it for a few seconds before looking back down at the tennis ball, which has rolled to my feet and is now looking up at me with an eyeless yellow face. The dog is doing the same thing, looking as innocent and expectant as possible. This is why I hate these things, so I decide that I want to get it away from me, and with that thought I pick up the ball and throw it into the kitchen.

The dog barks in excitement and scrambles after it, tail waving in the air. Oh, I so want to just grab that tail and throw it out the window, but if I do that, I have no doubt that Shio-chan will be angry with me. I probably wouldn't survive her wrath - not because she's stronger than me, but just because she has an advantage over me by factors that neither of us can control.

_Bang!_

As I'm stepping out the door, I hear this and turn back to see what the stupid puppy has done now. I walk into the kitchen and see the puppy starting to walk toward me, shaking its head after having slammed into the cupboard under the sink. I stare at it in its confused state, finding myself amused by its idiocy. When it brings the ball back to me, I smirk as I throw it into the cupboard again, and again the puppy slams right into the door under the sink, stumbling for a few seconds afterward. I laugh out loud now, though it might be a little maniacal, and I throw it again - and again - and again... until the dog can't walk anymore, and on its way back to me it flops down halfway there. Ah, that was amusing, I think as I walk away from it, leaving it alone and beaten up by kitchen cupboards.

I guess having this thing isn't so bad, as long as she doesn't name it. Names and nicknames are the things that signify closeness in a relationship, and I would hate for her to have a relationship with this beast. It would be annoying, but as long as it runs into more cupboards I think it's fine.

On my way out of the kitchen, though, I see something blue around its neck that I didn't notice before, and so I walk over to see what it is, and I realize halfway there that it's a collar. Crap, she already got it a collar! Does that mean it has tags too? Wait, she doesn't have the money to get it tags! No way. She must have used my money.

I bend down to examine the collar, and I take the neck of the dizzy dog in my hands, so I can grab onto the collar, turning it so that the tags that make an animal a legal pet are staring up at me. When I see what name she gave it, I swear I think my heart just dropped out of my butt, it sank so low. She named such a disgusting creature after someone so respected and loved by people around the world!

_Izaya._

How could she?

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**I'm thinking of keeping the puppy for the rest of the oneshots, so don't worry if you like him. He will be coming back. If you don't like him... well... um... there's really nothing I can do about that.**


	2. Hot pot

**IZA-SHIO ONESHOTS!**

**THE "WHAT IF" SERIES...**

**2. HOTPOT!**

I don't know why I did it. I really have no idea, but I swear it sounded like the radio was calling to me, because I knew the answer to this question so well, it just didn't seem fair for anyone else to get those tickets. The question was so obvious! I just couldn't let it pass. It was on my favorite radio station, the one that I listen to every day on my breaks, and I've never called in before, but I've always wanted to. I would never tell Namie this, but I love the music they play. Even if it's mostly little kid stuff, it's so much fun to listen to, and it always improves my mood. I just couldn't help myself. So when I heard the question, I found myself dialling the number for the radio station before I even knew what I was doing.

That's how I got these tickets to the restaurant that just opened two blocks from my apartment that serves hotpot all year round. I've never had hotpot before, so I guess it would be a good experience, but my main goal when I called the radio station was to answer the question. Now, however, I have these two tickets to the grand opening to this restaurant, and I have no one to go with but Shio-chan, but that could be problematic if Namie sees us together...

I've been telling Shio-chan all of this, and she seems pretty excited about it, because apparently she's never had hotpot either. So we've decided to go, but we both have to wear something different from what we usually wear. At least that's what she said.

I frown at her, getting the hidden meaning behind her not-so-blunt words.

"So in other words, I have to leave my coat here?" I rephrase for her, and she blushes slightly and looks away, knowing that I've seen right through her once more. I guess I know her pretty well by now, but she doesn't seem to realize that. "Fine," I say as I remove it and drape it over a chair next to me. "As long as we get to eat hotpot. Now you need to change."

"What?" she demands. "Why?"

I smirk deviously at her, and she gets that face that she has whenever she knows something she won't like is coming. Of course, it's always something that will amuse me; in this case it's her in a dress - a short dress that she would never want to be seen in public in. I don't really care, though, because I bought specifically with her in mind. After all, it suits her. I walk around behind her and put my hands on her shoulders, pushing her forward toward my room.

I lower my lips to her ear and whisper into it, "You'll see." No, she still doesn't know what it is that I have in store for her. Yes, she will hate me for it. No, I won't care because she'll look more adorable than she ever has in it.

"I-Izaya..." she stammers nervously, but she doesn't try to get away from me. "What are you doing?"

I don't answer her as I push her into my room, where I've hung the dress up on the other side of the door, and I smirk at her as I take the handle in my hand. "You'll like it," I tell her, and she blushes slightly and swallows nervously as I close the door. When she's finally in there alone, all I can do is wait for her to come out, and wonder if she's having trouble believing that I would buy something like that for her. When she comes out a few minutes later, she's blushing furiously, although I can only see this vaguely through her curtain of long black hair that stretches down to her waist.

It's a short dress in the style of Gothic Lolita. It's completely loose except for the string around her ribcage, while the rest of the material just hangs in a shapeless form that, despite the shapelessness, seems to compliment her young figure. The sleeves are puffed out in sections, and the collar is high, reaching her neck to emphasize the child-likeness of the dress. She's wearing a pair of tights that go with the blue and black dress, both of which compliment her eyes and hair. The hem and collar of the dress are both trimmed with blue, as are the ribbons that separate the sections of her sleeves, and she's wearing black buckle-up shoes that would go well with a school uniform. I wouldn't be surprised if they are her uniform shoes. I don't remember buying them.

She's scowling at me with cold grey eyes and a curt mouth. She's holding the bottom of the mid-thigh-length dress, as if afraid it will pop up at any moment and force her to involuntarily flash me. I smile at her, only just holding back a giddy laugh. I feel like a little kid who's just found the most valuable treasure in the courtyard! Yes, it definitely does look good on her.

"Shio-chan, that's amazing!" I cry out in happiness as I go over to the scowling victim, who looks away from me, her blush now glowing. "You have no idea how much I've been waiting for you to put that on!"

"Put what on?" she demands, "This monstrosity? It's repulsive."

"Don't be so negative," I scold her jokingly as I walk around behind her and tighten the black bow that gives her dress shape and adds a certain appeal. "It's cute."

"It's borderline pedobear," she growls, and now it's my turn to scowl. I jerk the bow tighter now, and she gasps in pain and bends forward slightly, holding her ribcage as she struggles to breathe. "Izaya!" she coughs in anger as she steps away from me, and as she turns to face me I quickly replace the scowl on my face with an innocent smile. "Don't give me that smile!" she yells at me as she stands up straight again. "I know what you just did to me, you monster! Do you really think I'm stupid enough to believe it was someone else, who isn't even here?"

"Of course not," I laugh playfully as I spread my arms, using body language to persuade her to trust me, and I take a step toward her, going behind her again. "I don't expect you to believe anything I tell you." I can't help it. Every time I get an opportunity like this, I just can't pass it up, and I have to admit that I enjoy it. I'm betting there isn't a man out there who wouldn't like to see this beaten, bruised girl blush like she does around me. I can't help but feel a sense of pride at the next thought I have, which is that she'll never feel inclined to blush when another man teases her, like she does when I tease her. I wrap my arms around her waist now and hold her close to me, always enjoying the warmth and the closeness of her body in my arms, the feeling of her ragged breathing under my steady hands. I lower my head so that my nose is pressing gently into her shoulder, the scent of her hair filling my nostrils. She shudders slightly and gasps at this feeling, and I smirk against her shoulder, so glad that she always lets me get so close to her. She's my Shio-chan, and if I couldn't tease her like this, I'm not sure what I would do. If she didn't allow me to be this close to her, I would go insane. I know I would.

Of course, that's not to say that I'm totally sane right now.

Now, into her ear I whisper, "Hotpot."

She lets out a cry of surprise and her body jerks in my arms, making me laugh at her, but she doesn't seem quite as amused by this as she pushes herself away from me, blushing again.

"What was the point of that?" she demands angrily as she tries to compose herself a little too obviously, though she tries to hide the fact that she's flustered by what I just did. "What is wrong with you?" I laugh at her again and take yet another step toward her, but she steps away from me, looking annoyed. "Can we just go?" she demands angrily as she heads toward the door, but I stop her halfway there by taking her arm in a firm grip and pulling her back toward me.

"Shio-chan," I say, stopping her halfway there. She turns and scowls at me.

"What?"

"I'm not done yet."

She looks shocked by this and her scowl suddenly becomes a frown of curiosity and reserved anticipation, but she turns halfway toward me with bright grey eyes. "What more could you possibly do to me?"

"Your hair needs to be fixed," I tell her as I hold up two blue ribbons that I bought with the dress today. "You can't go out in that with it down."

The scowl quickly comes back, and she growls at me, "You son of a b-" Suddenly, the dog decides to make his presence known with a loud bark, drowning out the last word of that nasty sentence, and at the horrible sound of its voice I scowl. I still hate those things, and I hate that puppy even more now that I know what its name is. I lower the ribbons slightly as I walk toward her, still amused as I turn her around so that her back is facing me again. Maybe this is cruel, but it's what she gets for naming that beast after me.

"Shio-chan, you shouldn't insult my mother like that. I really don't think she'd like it."

"You have a mother? I always just assumed you were raised by demons."

I laugh at that as I start parting her hair to make it into pigtails on top of her head, always so easily amused by her distress.

I grab a clump of her hair and jerk it upward, to the top of her head and start to tie the ribbon into it, making a high ponytail on one side of her head. Then, I do the same with the other side, just to make it even, and I tie both of the ribbons into bows to accent the adorable air that she's bound to give off by wearing this.

"There," I say when I'm done, "Now we can go."

"I thought we were going to have a low profile when we're there," she complains as we head out the door, leaving the dog behind with a happy look on its face and its tongue sticking out of its mouth. For a moment, I have a disturbing thought that it must be panting like that at Shiori, considering how she looks right now, and I want to bash it over the head with the nearest thing I can grab, but I refrain, because I know how unreasonable that thought is. "Instead you paint me all pretty and expect me to stay unnoticed in this stupid thing! What if Kida sees us? He'd freak out!"

A pang of anger comes over me at the boy's name, and I find that I'm instantly irritated by it. She really doesn't get this, though, so I decide to play with her a little more to put me in a better mood. I raise my eyebrows at her and raise my head slightly, giving her what she calls my "antagonistic-arrogant angle", so that when she looks up at me she only glares. This expression of mine has always annoyed her.

"Oh? Don't tell me you like Kida-kun. Would you really be that embarrassed for him to see you like this?"

I'm silently begging her to say no, to say it curtly and angrily, Iike I've just offended her with some disgusting notion that she wishes never to hear again, but when she speaks next, it is not offense that I hear in her voice; it's nervousness, like there's something she doesn't want me to find out.

"N-No!" she cries in defense. "It's not like that! He's just a friend, I swear, but I just used him as an example!"

"I see," I say, keeping my voice light, despite the jealousy and rage that has come over me now, and is threatening to hunt Kida down and tear him to pieces for potentially taking my Shio-chan away from me. It's not fair. He has no right to her! What has he done to deserve her? "So why was he the first one to come to mind?"

We're heading down the stairs to the entrance of the building now, and we're almost to the door.

"He wasn't!" she retorts anxiously. It's obvious that she can tell how I feel right about now; she knows me almost as well as I know her. If she knew how I felt, then she would know everything. "He was just... well, just..." She's looking away from me now, blushing furiously at herself and me for asking her such personal questions. However, she isn't blushing out of embarrassment or because I've found out her deepest secret, but rather because she's angry with me.

That's better, I think to myself as I force my heart to stop pounding in my chest. She's mine, and anyone that tries to take her from me - whether through death or love - I will destroy. If I had to, I would even take her prisoner. For now, though, we should have some hotpot.

While we're walking down the street, there are people looking at her from all angles, like she's some kind of doll, as her outfit suggests. She does look adorable, thanks to my impeccable taste in what looks good on her, but as expected she doesn't seem to like all these eyes on her. She walks a little bit behind me, always staying close so that she's partially hidden behind my back. She really doesn't want Masaomi to see her, I guess.

"Shio-chan," I scold her when we hit a red light, so the light beside it tells us to stop walking. I pull her out from behind me and place her directly in front of me, where she cowers with her back against me. "Shio-chan!" I snap at her again, and she turns around with a little jump, looking up at me with horrified grey eyes.

"Izaya!" she complains with her hands up in front of her chest, as if trying to become as inconspicuous as possible. "I've already seen three people from my school! They all know who I am!" She's whining, which really annoys me, but at the same time forces me to become slightly more sympathetic because of how pathetic she seems right now. I love it so much when she's as pathetic as she was a few days ago, when I had to stay with her overnight. She's not quite there yet, but this look definitely suits her, not to mention the voice.

"They can't all know who you are," I tell her calmly, mockingly, "That's just stupid. From what I've seen, they all think you're invisible."

"That's cruel," she mumbles miserably, and looks away from me, pouting. "All I was trying to do was avoid them, and you're making a huge fuss about it, like they're supposed to see me or something!"

"They are supposed to see you," I tell her darkly, and her eyes are guided back to me by my menacing voice. She cowers slightly, and I feel a better mood coming onto me, despite her idiocy. "Never mind," I sigh as I look at the light that is now telling us to walk. I push her out in front of me now and force her to walk before me. She must really hate me for this.

When we get to the new restaurant we find at least fifty other people there. They must be others who also had answers for similar questions on different radio stations - or maybe they bought their tickets, although this seems a little too exclusive for just anyone to be able to buy tickets. Maybe it was a radio thing.

We're ushered into the restaurant as soon as we get there, because the doors have opened only five minutes before we got there, which is convenient for us. The waiters sit Shiori and me at a table in the back, where we're completely alone, except for the few couples around us, but they are definitely not paying attention to us. When she looks around, I see the girl across from me blush slightly when she realizes what this setting reminds her of, and a question clearly crosses her face - _are we on a date_? The same thing crosses my mind as well, but I guess I don't show it quite as clearly as her sweet face does.

"So, Shio-chan," I say as I pick up the menu and start skimming through it. They have a variety of foods, mostly hotpot and ramen from different regions of the country, as well as various dishes that are similar to them from other countries. "What do you want?"

"Wait a minute," she says suspiciously from across the table, and I lower my menu just enough for my eyes to show, so that I can see her. With her hair up like that, she really does look adorable, and I can't help but smile inside. I have to keep a straight face on the outside, though, or I might explode. "What's the catch, Izaya? You always have a catch. Am I paying for my own meal? You know I have no money... that's why you're keeping me for the time being, remember?"

"The catch?" I repeat curiously, my eyes wandering to the walls thoughtfully. I honestly hadn't thought of that, but maybe I could think of something... for now, though, I'll just give her a menacing look to freak her out. I feel like seeing her blush again, and with her hair in pigtails it'll be doubly as cute as it usually is. When I narrow my eyes to make them as threatening and playful as possible, she gets an anxious look on her face and blushes furiously. It's exactly the reaction I was hoping for. "You'll see when we get home," I tell her darkly, and she looks away from me, probably remembering the table incident. I remember it too, but not in the same shameful way she does. In fact, every time I think of it, it makes me laugh, and even now it's hard for me to hold it in.

Flustered once again, she snaps at me, "Hot pot. We came here for hotpot, remember? Nothing else, so put that down." She reaches over and pulls my menu away from me, looking as determined as she ever has, and she snaps, "We're having chicken hot pot."

"Alright, alright," I sigh as I close my menu and lean back in the chair. "What else do you have in mind?"

"Nothing," she says shortly. "You dragged me here, so I'm ordering. Is that understood?"

"Of course not," I shoot back at her, making my voice light and amused, as it usually is when she's around. "If you order, then you have to pay."

"What? I have no money, you know that!"

"Exactly," I shrug nonchalantly with this statement. "I have money, so I'm paying. Therefore, I order."

"Izaya!" she snaps at me, but I interrupt her impending statement by leaning in toward her and resting one elbow on the table, so as to support my chin with the hand above it, and I reach across the table and stroke her face with my index finger, feeling it heat up as the redness spreads from her cheeks to engulf her entire face as she looks away from me with nervous eyes. What I say next is a joke - it really is a joke - but only halfway. This request is also real, it's what I wish she would allow, but she doesn't trust me. It's reasonable, but sometimes I wish she would.

"Let me take care of you, Shio-chan," I say to her softly, and her eyes halfway travel back to me, but then away again, as she swallows hard. I love it when she gets nervous, when she starts to tremble like that, when she swallows as if in fear, when she avoids my gaze and lets me see that sweet, innocent angle of her face. It's one that doesn't come often on a girl like her - on a girl that's been through so much. Usually they stop feeling anything after their parents are killed, as if they're dead, but she's still alive. She still feels, and she shows every ounce of emotion that hits her. Maybe that's what I like about her. She never stops feeling, and she never stops letting me know exactly what she's feeling.

Above anything else... I love her.

That's all I really know right now.

I want to keep her forever. Forever and ever... I will never let this precious treasure go.

With that thought, I shift my finger so that my entire hand can cup her cheek in my hand, and she continues to look away from me, flustered and beautiful as always, grey eyes still examining the floor. When will she look up at me? When will she notice this look that I'm giving her, the touch that sends simultaneous chills and warmth throughout her body? When will she acknowledge me?

"I-Izaya..." she whispers uncomfortably, and she looks up to indicate that I should too, and when I do I see a young waitress with cheeks that are almost as red as Shio-chan's, though they're not nearly as attractive.

"Oh, hello!" I say enthusiastically, reluctantly taking my hand away from Shiori's face, at which point I hear her sigh shakily, and then suck in as much breath as she can, as if I was making her hold her breath the whole time that I was touching her. "Can I help you?"

"U-Um..." the flustered young waitress begins, her eyes still on Shiori's face as the poor, pathetic girl lowers her eyes to the table now, as if trying not to be noticed by the woman. "C-Can I... take... your order?" She says it slowly, as if not sure what to do with herself at this point. She looks almost as flustered as Shio-chan, who is now attempting to sink under the table.

"Could we get a chicken hot pot?" I ask her, and she nods quickly and whips out her notebook and pen, scribbling it down as fast as she can.

"Um, a-anything else?"

"Not at all," I say as I turn back to look at Shiori, who is almost invisible now, due to the level at which she is under the table. "Then again, maybe a high chair wouldn't be a bad idea."

Shiori sits up suddenly, and is glowering at me from across the table, making the waitress look even more awkward at the situation in front of her. "I can't believe you," Shiori mutters angrily at me, and the waitress suddenly looks like she's holding back a giggle. She doesn't seem to know what to do in this situation.

"We'll be right with you," she says now, and quickly turns and heads in the other direction.

"Shio-chan," I accuse playfully, and wave my chopsticks in front of her, as if I'm waving a finger. "You scared her away."

"I did?" she demands angrily, "I believe that was you, weirdo. I'm completely normal! I shouldn't be anywhere near you right now!"

I laugh out loud at this, and pull my chopsticks back to put them back on the table. "I thought we both knew that you were far from normal at this point, Shiori," I laugh at her, and she scowls at me. She may be dark and rather morbid, but she does feel. The scowl is proof of that. I grin at her, and then lean back in my chair again. "You're definitely not normal." The tone of my voice seems to give away my true meaning, because right before I look up at the ceiling I see the scowl turn into a confused frown on her lips, and her eyebrows come together to show the incomprehension behind that face.

When the hot pot finally comes to our table, and the waitress once again leaves, I formulate a plan in my head. As Shiori is about to take a piece of chicken with her chopsticks, I lean to the side for better access, grab the nearest leg of her chair that I can reach, and whip her around so that she's beside me. She cries out in surprise and almost drops her chopsticks, but then calms down and stares at me with wide grey eyes.

"What was that?" she demands angrily.

I pick up a mushroom with my chopsticks and dip it in the sauce that came with the hot pot. "What was what?" I ask, as if nothing happened.

"What you just did! Don't play dumb with me, Izaya!"

"Who's playing dumb?" I ask her playfully as I raise the mushroom to my mouth, but stop halfway to say something else. "You can't even pick up on the slightest hints, and you're saying that _I'm_playing dumb. You need to get your facts straight, Shio-chan, because this is just pathetic."

Ah, that's right. She's so pathetic, and I love it about her. Not only that, but she's a complete dunce, and I love that about her too.

"What are you talking about now?" she demands as she starts to stand up, but I grab her arm halfway there, and pull her back down into her chair again. Then, in one swift movement, while her mouth is still agape, while performing the duties of a surprised gasp, I push the mushroom between my chopsticks between her lips and onto her tongue. Her eyes go wide at that, and I can't help but grin at her as her expression slowly changes from shocked to confused to completely annoyed. She takes my hand and tears it away from her mouth, but I open the chopsticks right before she does, leaving the mushroom in her mouth, which forces her to chew and swallow.

"Really?" she asks me with a raised eyebrow. It's a skeptical-yet-annoyed look she's giving me, at which I just smirk. With one hand I hold her face gently, while the other goes for another mushroom. "You couldn't just tell me to eat it?"

"That would take all the fun out of it," I inform her, and she rolls her eyes.

"You really are insane," she grumbles as she puts an elbow on the table and leans head head against her hand as she looks at me with a face filled with exasperation. I laugh at this comment, mostly because I sometimes think that it might be true, but then I disregard it and come back to the moment.

"Shio-chan," I say, making my voice indicate that I might be slightly hurt by this comment, despite the fact that I really don't care. "I did ask you to let me take care of you, didn't I?"

She pauses, seeming surprised by this, but then sighs and looks away from me. "Fine," she says, "But in that case you have to suffer the same public humiliation that I am right now. Understand?"

"Always," I say in that same smooth voice that she seems to like. Then, I pick up yet another mushroom and dip it in the sauce, and when I look back, she's blushing furiously with her mouth hanging open, waiting for the mushroom to once again attack her.

What she doesn't realize, though - and I don't know how she could forget this - is that I don't get embarrassed. Ever. Also, personal space isn't an issue for me. Therefore, if she wants to get what she calls "payback", then it won't be very fun for her, because I'll just be playing along. I'll let her figure out the hard way, though. It's more fun like that.


	3. The ChocolateChip Menace!

**OK, so if you must, I suppose you can take it as a dirty joke, because... well, because it kind of is. ^^ I know - I'm a horrible person. However, in the end, I must let you know (in case you hate dirty jokes with a passion) that it is not a dirty joke, but actually quite an adorable story... at least I thought so. xD It's weird how things work out like that, huh?**

**Well anyway... I hope you like it, because it's kind of like a consolation for not posting a lot this summer... well, I guess I can't make up for all of that with just a little thousand-word one-shot, but I can try. xD**

**Yes, it's still from Izaya's POV, and at the end there's a bit of hero-act, I guess you could call it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.**

**PS: I don't own anything of Durarara!**

* * *

"No... you can't!"

Her voice is shrill with panic, and as I picture her face I can only see a horrified expression and Shiori's grey eyes wide. It's only natural for me to wonder what's going on, but the only thing that stops me from bursting into that room is the shadow I see on the other side of this screen door. It's horrible, and I'm not sure what Shinra is doing to my Shio-chan, but it looks really, really wrong. It looks horrible!

Why is he doing that to my Shio-chan? Come to think of it, _what_ is he doing to my Shio-chan?

Honestly, I really thought he was a good guy - or at least useful for certain things, this not being one of those "certain things" - but apparently he isn't trustworthy at all! Then again, neither am I, but I don't do things like these to girls like her! Well, I do, but... she's mine. There's a difference.

From the shadow on other side of the screen door, I see him pressed up against the wall with her under him, struggling to get away, out from under his terrible weight.

"Sh-Shinra-san..." Shiori sobs in a horrified voice, and I feel my hand raise a little in response, as if I'm getting ready to save her or something, but that would be reckless of me. I shouldn't just barge in there like I must be subconsciously thinking of doing! After all, what if they're not decent?  
I don't think even I could bear it if I saw _my_ Shio-chan indecent in front of another man. That's just not right! She shouldn't have to do something so wrong in front of someone who isn't me!

When I hear Shinra's voice, though, I'm so unbelievably tempted to tear open this screen door and make him explain himself, especially when I hear a laugh so evil that I can't believe it's coming from him.

"You've been a very bad girl, Shiori-chan," he says, sounding amused in a Shinra-type way. He's always so animated, so it's hard to tell when he's really angry or just playing. Right now, though... I really don't want to know what he's doing.

I'm still debating with myself over whether I should charge in there or wait and see what happens when I hear Shiori sob again. To be honest, I kind of like that sound. It has a lovely little tune that is torn from deep within her throat, and even from her heart itself sometimes. There are times when she sobs so much, and so deeply that even I feel it in my chest, like a lump that appears right before a cancer that spreads throughout my entire body.

Actually, that's a lie... I think she already has become my cancer.

My thoughts are pulled back to reality when I hear Shiori sob once more, and my heart aches for her. Really, it does, but I don't want to see her when she's being tortured so horribly. What would I be able to do for her?

Through the screen door, I see Shinra's silhouette bend down to her height, so that it looks like he's kissing her, and I feel a strange feeling that close to possessive, but not quite, and I tear open the screen door just as Shiori lets out a horrible cry and falls to the ground... fully clothed (thank goodness).

She's sobbing on her side, moaning in pain as she tries to move, but seems entirely unable to except for the horrible convulsions that she's having on the floor of the room, tears wetting her face and forming a pool around her, and wetting her hair as well, which is draped over her face like that of a dying woman.

"Shio-" I begin, my voice strangely urgent as I start toward her, my dark jacket following closely behind, but I am interrupted by her voice filled with anguish as she screams two simple words.

"MY COOKIE!"

I stop dead in my tracks and stare at her for a moment, but then my eyes are guided to Shinra, who has now turned to face me. He has a deadpan expression on his face, although in his eyes he looks rather content with the damage he has done. My eyes sweep over his face, and I see in his mouth a small, chocolate chip cookie that looks like it was broken in two.

The other half lay on the ground at his feet, in the same spot where Shiori had been standing only moments ago.

Shiori looks up at me now, her grey eyes overflowing with anguish as she reaches out to me, desperation the only voice audible in those pitiful eyes. She looks just like she did after her parents died, I think to myself. It's truly a beautiful sight... I can't let this moment go.

"I... Izaya..." she sobs. "Izaya... he took... my cookie!"

My eyes are once again brought back to Shinra, whose eyes show his horror and his attempt at innocence as he tries to deny this monumental accusation.

"Sh-She said we could split it..." he manages to stammer, but by then I'm already in front of him, giving him a dangerous glare as I loom over him.

"_My_ Shio-chan," I growl at him as I reach for the small edible disc between his fingers, "Therefore, this is _my_ cookie... and _I_ will give it to whoever _I_ want."

With that, I pluck the delicious mound of sugar and chocolate out of his fingers and turn my back on him. He doesn't matter that much - not as much as he thinks he does, anyway, and on my way to the girl I have just saved from the terrible cookie thief, I hear Shinra sulk out the door, with smaller, much more inconspicuous sobs coming from him.

By the time the screen door closes, I've sat down beside Shiori and helped her sit up again, for as much as I love seeing her cry, she can be fairly cute when she smiles. To be honest, I hate being the one to make her cry, and I think that if I hadn't done anything, she would have counted it as my fault. So, it's better this way.

When she sits up and takes the cookie half that I stole from Shinra for her, she smiles, reminding me of an infant being coddled by someone close to them, and she leans against me.

Then, she breaks the half in half and offers me a piece.

That's when the dog comes and ruins everything, but as my hand reaches out to take it, a wide mouth comes out of nowhere and steals it right from between her fingers. Shocked, we both turn to see the _thing_ sitting there, its tail wagging and its large brown eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Izaya," Shio-chan scolds, and I feel myself becoming more and more annoyed with that animal. Why does it feel the need to challenge me?

That's when the eyes of the hound take in my presence, and as if reading my thoughts, it whines oh-so-repulsively, but somehow Shiori feels sympathy for it and hands it the rest of what's good of my cookie.

The words _drop kick_ come to mind.

* * *

**Hahaha, you know what I just realized? The relationship between Izaya and _Izaya_ is much like the one between Garfield and Odie... but without the feelings of brotherly love... O.o **

**Anyway, tell me what you thought. Feedback is good! Writers need feedback! (And thanks for the wonderful feedback I have received in the past. It is much appreciated. ^^)**

**Oh, and I guess I don't own any of Garfield either... xD**


	4. UPDATE!

OK, so... I was reading through these today and all I can say is how utterly horrible they seem to me - in the way that Izaya and even Shiori were taken completely out of character. It almost seems like a complete disgrace... but then, of course, they are rather useless one-shots that only served to rid me of my ever-cumbersome writer's block. So!

Question for the audience: would you like me to continue them? I will be checking for reviews over the next week to see if you want me to or not. Also, I guarantee that most characters will be OOC in these little one-shots because sometimes it's just more fun that way. Anyway, tell me your opinion and I will take note of it! :D


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